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Episode 167
<-- Previous Episode | [[Episode 168|Next Episode -->]] Length:2:06:28 Hosts: Alex Kate Matt Mitch Intro: None Closing Song: ---- Content Covered: *Alex PC can't run Mortal Kombat X Questions *Have you ejaculated in a sock? Notable Facts: Funny Stories and Quotes: Alex *My computer can't run games. I will go on a murderous rampage so I can at least get a fill for the game. *(Mitch) I hope he's dead so many jokes and it hasn't happened. **Kate - I hope he doesn't die. **Alex - Why? One reason. **Kate - He can be a little cuddlebuddy. **Matt - No. **Kate - I don't like what we've become. **Alex - Was that a Jo Jo reference? **Matt - No you Frankenberry Fuck. *I watched a documentary today. **Matt - About faggots? **Alex - What are we becoming? Less funny? **Kate - Like the Big Bang Theory. *I was supposed to be the only one in space asshole. Get out of my space. **Mitch - Space is big enough for the two of us. **Alex - Fuck you it's not big enough for Kori's asshole. **Mitch - Your ego takes all the space. **Alex - Burn... You got em' Mitch. *Mitch can I complain real quick? **Kate - What a strange request. **Alex - I'm disappointed for multiple of reasons. **Kate - There's no rule saying you can't berate Mitch. **Alex - May I berate you Mitch? **Mitch - At this point I've gotten use to it it's no longer rape. **Matt - I don't can you? **Kate - Don't start with that. *There's no illuminati shit in the banner. *We need more gay stuff. **Matt - There's no way of saying it sounding like a misogynist homophobe? **Alex - I hate when we get serious. **Mitch - Can you put gaywave in the podcast? **Matt - You know I can, and you know I will. **Kate - Everyone is meshed in identity politics. You can't have diversity cause men are idealist oppressors. Don't forget gay men are oppressors now because they're so misogynistic they won't fuck women. **Matt - Won't fuck a vagina? Gay men are jerks. **Kate - Trans **Matt - They betray their own kind. **Kate - Gender traitors? *Have you ever ejaculated in a sock? **Matt - Yes **Kate - No I pissed in it. **Matt - My mom found it and cleaned it. **Mitch - How come everytime something like this comes up, Kate takes it into Weirdville? **Alex - I'm sorry TURbo, proceed. **Kate - I don't want to get screamed at. I'm 7. I came up with a clever plot. To shit under my bed and piss in a sock and no one would ever know. **Matt - I love it. **Kate - And then I wiped my ass on the curtain. **Matt - Perfect. The perfect crime. **Kate - The next morning, my mother woke me up, she was unpleased. **Matt - She slipped on the shit and broke her back. **Alex - Then your mother was "THIS IS HOW TRANNIES ARE BORN WANT TO BE A TRANNY?" **Kate - Yes I do. *Would you jerk off to the show? **Kate - To TalkRadar, but not this. **Alex - What fan are you? *If you are doing a youtube video about troubleshooting for audio problems why in the fuck provide subtitles? **Matt - That is a quick easy question, they are a fucking retard. *Memes. **Matt - Trust me, that's how we all feel. *I use to smoke garbage. **Kate - I sat in a garbage can when I was little when I was more desperate than you. **Mitch - I find that hard to believe. *This is why Shovel Knight getting 14.16% is a big deal. **Matt - I get it. **Alex - Fuck you for a second. **Matt - No you asked us what we thought then Mitch says a bunch of retard jap words in a row. *Put those Japanese faggots in Pokémon. **Matt - I didn't call them that. I call them gays. *A. Are you implying I fucked a girl in Kindergarten B. I was 15 in Kindergarten or C I did it till 13? **Kate - Turd in a playhouse **Alex - Oh, so she never aged. **Matt - She's a ghost. **Kate - I fucked a Kindergarten ghost is my favorite Goosebumps. Kate *It's always the illuminati. *You can tell the episodes when Mitch is in heat. *I was very excited that they were bringing the muppets back. Then I was crushed when I heard it's the creators of the Big Bang Theory. **Matt - No god. Why? *Did you know the illuminati? **Alex - Whoa what the fuck! You cut off my fact. Pikachu getting beaten to death. **Matt - That's rad. *That's not the issue on the table Fuckboy. This sinful stuff showing up in peoples homes without consent? That's rape. *If you want to live in America you need to learn to suck dick. **Matt & Mitch - YEAH! **Matt - I love lesbians but we need more gays. *My mom found Jesus lately because I'm a tranny and its stupid. She's trying to reconnect with me. *Don't derail what you have to say to yell at me. You'll forget what you're saying. **Matt - What was I talking about? *We killed Pepe because he's too mainstream. *Who's Rob Paulson? **Mitch - Some fag. *I want to die I'm not joking. **Matt - It's still funny we talked about nothing the last hour and half. Mitch you're a prince. **Mitch - Dad you're back! **Matt - I come then leave. **Alex - Let me get some space tobacco. **Matt - I hate this episode, continue. The Lore of Space Tobacco. *Nintendo weeaboos faggot is voting for Goku. *You have a thing where people can vote for new characters but they want old characters. *Put Duke Nukem in my Smash Brothers. **Matt - Hemorrage game sales. **Kate - Can we end our lives? Matt *You big shit idiot loser. **Kate - Big dumb dickface. **Matt - You face is Megablocks. **Kate - Not LEGO. MEGABLOCKS! *I saw a big black guy boasting how great he is in Kinect bowling and the bowl stayed in place. **Mitch - The bow tie and glasses? **Kate - Those fucking Muslims Mitch. **Matt - Episode 167 Muhammed. **Kate - We're going to be killed. **Alex - I'm Muhammed. **Matt - I'm also Muhammed. Aye-ya-ahmi-hami-ai *This guy makes $115 on Patreon so he makes $115 more than Mitch. **Mitch - Actually $112 more. **Matt - You get $3? **Alex - Yeah take that you fuck! **Matt - I got fucked. **Kate - Patreon shows how tiny your little internet dick is. **Matt - I prefer tiny internet dick. **Mitch - Matt likes tiny internet dick because he has one. **Matt - NO KIDDING **Mitch - Whoa calm down there. Are you some kind of faggot? **Matt - MAYBE. It's no worse than your gay ass review of a game that's 25 years old you bitch! **Mitch - Hey Kirby Pinball Land. **Kate - You got a problem with Silent Hill Mitch? **Mitch - It's gay. **Matt - Kirby Pinball Land. **Kate - Also gay. *Iron Sheik is tweets aren't funny. It was better when he was on crack. *You don't know how hardwood floors work with Windex. *(David) Who the fuck cares? *Origin of the stork? **Kate - Goes back to Yoshii Island. **Alex - It came from when Zeus transformed into a stork to rape that one woman. **Matt - I think it was an ox, but do you know what I really think? The Japanese. **Alex - Now you're going to say I can never forgive the Japanese and everyone laughs. **Matt - Hold on. **Kate - Were the storks training to be kamikaze pilots so they used babies instead of bombs? **Matt - First of all Superman was right when he said to slap the Japs. Secondly I will not forgive the Japanese. That is not a joke what do you mean everybody laugh. **Mitch - Was it funny when the Japanese did horrible experiments to the Chinese? **Alex & Matt - YES **Matt - That's funny, if there is anything worse than the Chinese its the Japanese. *They're not Catholic. They're Jewish! Not everyone can a rich Jew like you Mitch. *I woke up feeling good. **Kate - Good? What is this feeling? **Matt - Great mood. Now dead. Anyway I was in a great mood. First mistake I made? Go on facebook. **Mitch - I thought you blocked your newsfeed. **Matt - AJ is a monster. Le Tran and his infinite wisdom tagged me in a post of people getting mad. *Tell a Jamaican person they're black. **Kate - They are black. They're fucking black. *The only time I look on facebook is when I'm taking a fat shit at work. **Kate - No more rare Pepes. *My real life career is a technical writer and you have no idea how many people think they can teach when they can't. **Kate - I don't like the calm well mannered version of Matt. He's scaring me. **Alex - I like it, it's not the same 5 jokes. **Matt - But the Japanese Alex! They didn't know how to write. They have all these squiggly fucking lines. Fucking Savages. *The color of the skin doesn't matter. **Kate - It does when you tell black people words. **Matt - True *White people talk funny, Italians talk really funny. Even New Jerseyians talk funny. But black people have perfect English. It's not fair to make fun of them. White people have it really hard. *The Holy trinity of assholes. Kanye, Shia, and Phil Fish. **Mitch - And when combined creates Flabslapper. **Matt - I pray to them every night. **Alex - Mitchell if anything you are a disgrace. **Matt - Disgrace to all humankind. As a man from Planet Jersey. *Look you, we, uhh. **Kate - You're orange! **Matt - NO! **Kate - You'll take everything but orange. **Matt - Smokestacks are real. Everything is greasy. We are not orange. **Matt - The Jersey Shore is from Long Island. It's not us. *I'm not spending $25 on a joke. *Popeye you faggot. I don't want to sound like a mom, but candy cigarettes should have never existed. *Mitch let Kate talk! *Seinfield, Kramer, niggers, hahahaha. **Kate - Only 90's kids will get this. **Alex - Seinfield Babies! *It's impossible to talk between you to. *Leave it to Alex to find the longest list ever. **Kate - Like a Mitch Quiz. Oh fuck Dave. I don't like anyone. *You cannot ignore my girth. **Kate - I can and I will. *I want a lifesize Wal-luigi statue. *I don't care anymore you all win. **Kate - Put a pocket pussy in it so oyu can fuck it. **Matt - Why are you fucking nasty Kate? **Kate - I thought you liked me? You are the grossest fuck. *Put Tony Hawk in Smash Brothers he can throw cassette tapes. *Why do you know such horrible stuff? **Mitch - Because I suck. **Kate - No one to blame but yourself fuckass. *I know what things aren't but do not know of what things are. **Mitch - You're gay. **Kate - It doesn't matter. *Being gay is an earth construct. It's not real. **Mitch - You sound like SJW. **Alex - Holy Shit! **Matt - Being called a SJW is not cool. Maybe being straight on another planet. *If it was hentai we'd all be fucking our ghost sisters. You watch Hentai, don't blue ball bullshit. *I got goo in a va joo. *So matter of fact Monster Cum is 6 sequels 7 prequels and my heart is hurting. Mitch *I'm recording my sorrow. *I saw some people die. (What a shitty tangent story brought up that Alex called bullshit right away) **Alex - So you didn't see anyone die. *It would only take assfucking to get Kate back in the conversation. *Feels good like a virgin va-ju-ju. **Kate - No you don't get to experience. **Alex - Just stick in Kori's ass and drop a penny for good luck. **Matt - And then I shoved a drumstick up my ass. *How did what I say remind you of what you were going to say? *Game devs now are like "Hey guys did you know lesbians exist?" The Game of the Years fall down and crush everybody from the ceiling. **Matt - I thought lesbians were in Fear Effect 2. **Mitch - Lesbians ruin the world. **Matt - May I state an unpopular opinion? **Kate - I don't know. May you? **Matt - I don't think lesbians are a big deal in games. We need more gay shit. **Alex - I agree. **Matt - I want to see 2 male cartoons kiss on Nickelodeon and see what shit burns to the ground. Lesbians they take each other away from us. **Alex - I just want to date one. **Kate - No one cares about lesbians anymore. I don't want to see hairy ass men going at it. Twinks that's one thing. Bears no. *Kate's a fucking idiot. **Kate - Am I so deadpan you can't tell I'm playing along? *If Indians were good at fixing sinks they wouldn't bathe in a shit river. *Fuck you Kate you stupid white. **Matt - You bleach monkey. *Hey god up there I know you can hear me you fucking faggot. **Matt - God is dead and we memed him. *I'm 12. **Matt - Makes sense. Wow Kori is a huge fucking pervert. **Alex - Pervert with a giant gaping asshole. **Mitch - That stupid cougar. **Kate - I'm jealous that Kori is overtaking me with gaping asshole jokes. I'm just not horny anymore. *Wow people are retards. *You know what.... *I lost my virginity to a Chinese girl. **Matt - Was it that Mongoloid you were talking about? **Mitch - I'm so ashamed. **Matt - First of all that's great. This was 5 years ago? **Mitch - I was 12. My mother never kissed me. **Matt - Only on the dick. She walks like my mom. **Matt - I was 19. **Kate - I was 15. **Alex - I was 13. **Kate - Jesus **Matt - That's fucking insane. **Alex - That wasn't great. I jammed it in. **Matt - With balls? **Kate - I've seen where they jam the balls. Really weird. **Kate - Did you stick a turd in her pussy? **Alex - No I did not Alaskan Pipeline her. Barely **Matt - You rubbed her clit with a frozen turd. **Alex - I spent the whole time kissing my own shit. *R.L. Stein National Treasure. **Kate - That's why you quote him all the time. <-- Previous Episode | [[Episode 168|Next Episode -->]] Category:Episode Category:Alex Category:Kate Category:Matt Category:Mitch